Friday, January 9, 2009

An old article revealing the truth about our little green friend...

Yoda, no longer under contract with LucasFilms, publicly expresses his love for his partner of 25 years, Reamy the Sheep.

Yoda ‘Flaming’ Over Oscar Snub

GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY – HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA. Intergalactic Icon Yoda spoke out today for the first time since the announcement of the Oscar nominations. Yoda, who made his final of five appearances in the popular “Star Wars” series with “Revenge Of The Sith”, was upset for once again being passed over in the “Best Supporting Actor” category.

“Bullshit this is,” he said, in an exclusive interview with Oscar Insider.

Yoda also didn’t mince words in speculating why he wasn’t nominated.

“Flame enough I didn’t.”

That’s right, Yoda admits to the Insider that “Gay all my life I have been”, but that his tendencies were kept in check by director George Lucas. Lucas feared that an openly gay Yoda might disrupt the franchise’s image and hurt movie and merchandising sales.

Now that his contract is officially expired, however, the former Jedi Master is quick to defend his lifestyle, and to criticize what he calls the “Politics of Grab Ass” of the Academy Awards.

“Monogamous I am,” he said. “Whore around I don’t. If right parties attend you do not, and right ass you do not lick, Awards receive you don’t.” Yoda was referring to his partner, Reamy the Sheep, whom he says he’s been faithful to for 25 years.

However, everyone’s favorite little green alien did admit that he “wanted always to do” a love scene with some of his “Star Wars” co-stars, including Harrison Ford and Hayden Christensen. (“The Force on them I’d use! Heh heh heh!!” he said.) Yoda says he petitioned Lucas especially hard for a Christensen scene in the most recent installment. “His ass just once I wanted to grab,” he says. The unused scene would have occurred when Yoda attempted to restrain the future Darth Vader. “An accident it would have appeared. Hilarious it would have been. But Lucas allow it would not.”

The Oscar snub hurts Yoda especially because, with films like “Brokeback Mountain” and “Capote”, he feels that Hollywood “rubbing my face in it they are”. He contends that this proves that he was right in his arguments with Lucas. “If skin I showed,” he says, “nominations received I would.”

However, Yoda forced himself to look at the loss philosophically. He invoked the recent story showing that some promiscuous gay men were found to have traces of the sexually-transmitted disease, Chlamydia.

“Oscar I have not,” he says. “But neither Yeast Infection either have I.” He did dismiss, however, the whole premise of Brokeback Mountain.

“Hairy legs, Testosterone,” he murmured, shaking his head. “A Cowboy craves not these things!”


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